Shame is a word I wish wasn’t in my vocab, but unfortunately, God’s revealed to me lately that it’s something I’m more familiar carrying around than I ever could have imagined!
Shame for things like going to college, even when I knew it wasn’t really “right” for me, I’m grateful for those years because they were life changing, but still, it wasn’t exactly where God was calling me at the time, I just felt like my back was up against the wall so I made the best of it! And of course, God delivered and created opportunities and put people in my path that are no doubt life changers!
I’ve carried around guilt about mistakes I’ve made in business too. Times when I’ve said no to great things out of fear, or even times when I’ve said yes to good things but God wasn’t calling me there. (There is a big difference between good ideas and GOD ideas!)
I also weighed myself yesterday, which I something I rarely do anymore because it’s just one marker of my wellness and something I never want to get caught up on in a negative way anymore, but that’s a story for another post! Anyway, that little red number went up a few pounds over the last month! Ugh! Not a huge deal, but still, something that had more shame knocking and ready to tank me with depression & anxiety for the entire day…that’s certainly how my relationship has been with the number on the scale since I was 9!
Honestly, probably the worst piece of shame I was carrying around for years was the shame that I’m called to be an entrepreneur! I’ve been told a zillion times by people close to me that they don’t understand it or agree with it, that they wish I would go back to teaching and do something “real” or “legitimate”, or they’ll make crude comments….and so that’s a huge yoke of sorts I’ve been carrying around! I’ve felt less than, like a disappointment, not good enough, and so many other lies swirled around my head on a daily basis for years! “Different” has felt like quite a curse to me over the years…
2017 hasn’t been super fun so far, there’s been a lot of stress and crap going on…Part of which, probably a huge part, was all these lies I’d allowed to stick around in my head and swirl around my heart and destroy things like a proverbial tornado! Other things have happened outside of my control as well, but I knew I could let the lies continue to build up inside me and tear me down even further, or run to our Good, Good Father and take care of it!
So I dove deep into the Heaven in Business curriculum online and the awesome community to make sure I dealt with things in a “Jesus focused” way (instead of letting it all pull me into a deep depression!) One sermon deals specifically with feeling like business people have a “second class calling” and oh boy have I felt that over the years! Another talks about shame holding us back, and many deal with breaking off fears and lies we’re partnering with.
So today, I’m sharing my “process” for breaking off lies and shame that are holding us all back in some way!
Firstly, pray & meditate on the fact that you are a friend to Jesus (John 15) and a chosen daughter of the most High God! (1 Peter 2:9-10, I cannot stress this point enough love!)
Secondly, pray and ask Holy Spirit what lie’s you’re believing right now that are holding you back from what God has for you.
Thirdly, literally picture that lie in your mind, maybe picture yourself writing it on a piece of paper and then crumpling that up and throwing that paper into the fire! Or stomping on it and burying it in the mud! Anything goes! This is just a principle based on me being an insanely big nerd on psychology (it’s taken from neuroplasticity research.)
Lastly, ask God what Truth He wants to replace that lie with! Be open to God moving in your life through this, it’s been huge for me!
For me? This morning I prayed on what was holding me back (after a meltdown…sorry hubby! ha!) God was clear that I was believing a lie that I had to “live in survival mode still” after all the crazy that’s been on my plate lately. So yes, it wise for me to dial back in some areas and rest, but I was believing things had to be barely survivable. Bare minimum in all areas, struggle, and hardship. And yes, that’s a reality sometimes, but it doesn’t need to be my entire story in this season! So I pictured that typed out on a piece of paper and I ripped it up and threw it into a huge, gorgeous fireplace (like ski lodge style fireplace! Hey, it’s my imagination! ha!)
God showed me that I was “slipping” on a few important things. Like not drinking enough water, working out in a “bare minimum” type of way (I was only doing about 3 workouts through Beachbody on Demand, instead of my usual 4 – 30 minute workouts and 1 interval run – because I’m running a 5k in April in honor of my Papa’s passing 5 years ago.)
….Actually, to be honest, I was cutting some of those workout videos short at 15 or 20 minutes! Oy vey!
BUT God! He replaced that lie with the Truth that “I can do all things through Him!” (Phil 4:13)
I used the #5secondrule Mel Robbins talks about in her new book and her Tedx talk to get myself to start and complete a full Piyo workout! I also finally get on track with 3 liters of water (frozen strawberries and lime juice in my water bottle for the WIN!) I also picked back up my tiny, but a mighty habit of washing my dishes little by little as I work from home all day long. (Seriously, this is a great habit! I used to use coffee mugs, tea mugs, eat lunch, drink my smoothie out a mason jar, use my blender every day, etc. And those dishes added up! But I realized if I just wash one or two as I use them it takes less than 30 seconds to clean and there’s SO much less overwhelm when I go into the kitchen!)
Just a few small tweaks, seriously, but just a few small but mighty habits tipped the scales and allowed me to push past the lies and shame and actually be at peace and be productive too! So try this today, or any day when you find lies swirling around your head and heart, or shame threatening to take you to a dark place… Jesus is pretty good at this kind of stuff if we let Him! 😉
with love & blessings,